Even for Just a Moment
by Beni-kun
Summary: What is love? How can you forget it? How can you escape? Love is just a word, isn't it? Yaoi. Read to find out more! I STILL suck at summaries. lol Chapter 6 up! Formless Love...
1. In Solitude

New fic! –gets shot for not finishing the rest of her fics-

Anyway…this is yaoi so don't read it if you don't like it.

**Warning: ** There is some material not suitable for children. ;P

**Disclaimer:** I don't own…I'm not going to make money outta this. It's just for fun. –insert evil laugh-

Chapter 1: _In solitude_

"Where?" I asked him as he began to unbutton his shirt.

"Anywhere you like." He replied. I sat on the bed in the middle of the room.

"So you weren't lying..." I mumbled as I watched him take his shirt off slowly.

"Why would I lie about my job?"

"Is this where you sleep with them all?" I asked him.

"No...this is where I take people I care about." He winked as he sat on the bed next to me.

"Oh, really?" I felt his hand go underneath my shirt. This sent shivers through my whole body.

"You don't care about my job, do you?" He asked as I felt his lips on my neck. His fingers caressing my hardened nipples.

"No..." I trailed off, closing my eyes for a moment.

"I'd never do anything to hurt you, you know that..." His lips were getting closer to my own. My whole body seemed to be paralyzed by his touches. I was at his mercy.

"Why are you saying things like this? Let's just start." I was frustrated. He stopped suddenly, then turned my face toward his own. I looked at him, slightly confused.

"What?" I asked.

"Sorry." He let go of my chin, looking away. "It's just that I don't want to treat you like a customer."

"All the more, Benimaru...if there's more pleasure involved..." I leant in to kiss him. I couldn't help but think of _him_. It was always him.

Benimaru said nothing afterwards. He pushed me back onto the bed...as he probably would his 'customers'. I was enjoying the rough side of him. In his expertise, he unclothed me quickly, then finally began to unbuckle his belt. I watched, impatient...but I was admiring his muscled body glistening with sweat.

I had never seen him without clothing until now. Not that what he wore most of the time covered up much. He was better looking than I had imagined. Now our bodies touched...the friction he caused as he rubbed himself onto me. I moaned, then took hold of his hair as we kissed once more. He was driving me crazy for some reason...

He directed himself lower, until he reached my hardened length. I could only gasp and moan as I was entered into his mouth. My hands grasped his hair, controlling the movements...

I came within moments, but wished that the orgasm I just had would've lasted longer. I hadn't heard a word from him since we began. Now I was beginning to miss his voice. My eyes were shut tight, awaiting his next movement. I felt the weight on the bed gone, then I felt myself being pulled toward the edge of the bed. I wondered how I had gotten that far up if we had started at the edge.

"Beni..." I murmured as I opened my eyes. He was caressing himself, looking at me with an intensified look. His lips curved into a small smile.

"Beg." I suddenly heard his voice.

Personally, I didn't like being put in that type of situation...I would've hit him in the face if it not for the excitement I felt. I tried to move my body, but a tingling sensation took over my body as I thought about what was to come next.

"Please..." I heard myself plea. At that moment I felt angered with myself for giving in to him.

"Louder." He murmured as he spread my legs open wide. He was so close to my entrance...I couldn't resist.

"Beni...please." I said a bit louder. I tried to move my body forward. His length touched me there slightly, but I knew he would only go in if he thrust into me.

"Ash..." He took hold of my waist, and I knew the moment had finally come.

The confound sensation of pain mixed with pleasure left my whole body shivering. The tingling sensation returned, running up and down my whole body as he leant over to hug me. I almost couldn't grasp my arms around him due to the tingling. Desperate for a kiss, I leaned up to meet his lips. The contact of our lips together made me go crazy. He began to thrust into me, slowly at first, making me desperate for more. So I yelled out his name shamelessly…and begged for more.

It didn't take too long for our journey to finish. He was lying on top of me, still breathing hard. He captured my lips in another deep kiss…a kiss which I savored and held in my mind.

He then lay beside me, caressing my cheek. My eyes were still shut tight.

"You…" He trailed off for a moment. "…are really something." He held me…and the way he held me seemed as if we had actually known each other. I felt secure…but I was still empty inside.

"I think I love you." He whispered in my ear. I ignored this sentence completely…wanting to believe that when they said that, they really meant it…but knew it was too good to be true. It was only a sex phrase…

XDXDXDXDXDXD

_Morning came…_

And I regretted having done this. Not because of his feelings, but my own. I was trying to betray my own heart…and trying to hallucinate someone else there…I couldn't resist it from time to time. Benimaru was my only way out of the stress…my only way into pleasure. Although I felt nothing for him. It was only for the sex.

I sat up, looking around for a moment. I then looked at Benimaru, who was sound asleep, sleeping on his stomach and hugging his pillow. I sighed, then got off the bed. I was quietly looking for my clothing, which were scattered over the floor when I heard his movement on the bed. I didn't want to look in his direction. I put on my clothes quickly, then got out of the room quietly. I left his house, not knowing exactly where to go next. Though I guessed that Elisabeth wouldn't mind if I stayed at her house for the time being.

"Ash?" She looked groggily. Of course it was only five in the morning.

"Can I come in?" I asked her.

"Sure…" She let me in, then closed the door behind her.

"Let me guess…you slept with someone?" She shook her head.

"You guessed right…it was marvelous but I really didn't love that person or anything…"

"Is he a prostitute?"

"He is…"

"So it wasn't Shen?"

"Of course not." I rolled my eyes. "Don't even mention his name…"

"So do you need to shower or what?" She asked me.

"I certainly do." I smirked as I made my way toward her bathroom upstairs.

"Go ahead, then. I'm going to sleep." She yawned, then followed me upstairs toward her room.

After I closed the door to the bathroom, I sighed leaning against the door. It suddenly occurred to me that this kind of thing happened almost every week…even if it was never with the same person.

I ran the water in the bathtub, waiting for it to get warm, then I turned the shower head on. I unclothed quickly, eager to get the dirtiness off me. Elisabeth's house was like a second home to me. She even had a room for me that had some of my belongings…including the clothes that I was going to wear once I got out.

I let the water cascade from my head, down my back. All I could think about was the event from last night. I ran my hands over the places his lips had been…and for a moment I thought I felt something…a weird feeling…but I quickly shook it away and thought about _him_.

The thought of him made my fists ball up tightly. I wanted to get rid of my feelings for him…I could do it, I knew.

"Ash?" I suddenly heard a muffled voice which startled me.

"Elisabeth…what do you want?" I heard my voice echo.

"Someone called my number from your cell phone. They want to talk to you." My eyes widened, then I mentally slapped my self. (Damn it!) I had left my cell phone at Benimaru's place.

"Just tell him I'll go get it later." I responded.

"All right." I heard Elisabeth say, then I heard her muffled voice get further away. I sighed once more, then quickly bathed.

_Benimaru's House  
9:00AM_

A few hours later, I was at his house once more. I hesitated to knock at his door, but finally gained some courage. I stood there for a few minutes before he answered the door. He, too I realized had dressed up nicely. He smiled at me, then gestured me to come inside.

"No, I-" I began but his voice interrupted me.

"I fixed up breakfast." He was looking at me so patiently. The door was wide open and it was cold outside. I used that as the excuse.

"Well, I guess I can stay for a while." I got inside, my body still trembling as I watched him shut the door behind him. I followed him to the kitchen, looking at all the food at the table.

"Go ahead, eat anything you want." He mumbled. I looked at him. He had a cigarette in his mouth and was about to light it.

"Did you know…cigarettes are bad for you?" I smirked as I sat down in front of a delicious Japanese plate and picked up the chopsticks to start eating.

"I know." He lit the cigarette, then took in the deadly smoke.

"Then why do you smoke?" I asked him before I took the noodles into my mouth. My taste buds began to go crazy.

"Stress…cravings…you know, that sort of thing." He replied. I rolled my eyes then continued eating. It suddenly occurred to me that what I was eating he had apparently made. He put the cigarette on the ash tray, which was sitting in the middle of the table, then made his way around the table to sit in front of me. He sat down and began to eat. I didn't dare look at him until I was finished. Surprisingly, I moved onto the next plate and ate the whole thing. I had been hungry. Now that I had remembered to eat…

"What did you think?" He asked.

"About what?"

"The food." He was still on his first plate; it was halfway finished. This made me seem like some pig…

"It was good…" I wiped my mouth with a napkin. I finally looked up to meet his eyes. The cool reflection in his almost turquoise looking eyes made me fade into them for a moment until he blinked. I realized that he had been staring into my own as well…

"Good." He laughed slightly. "'cause I made it a while ago…I honestly didn't think you'd come back to get your cell phone but I made food, anyway."

"Oh…" I trailed off. In other cases it would be true, but my cell phone was far too valuable.

"I called every number on there 'till I reached that Elisabeth person…she said you were at her house." He continued. Damn Elisabeth for saying that I was there…

"She made an appointment with me." These words caught my attention. I looked up immediately. He had a big smile on his face. "…her voice sounded sexy, so I invited her.." I grunted slightly. I felt sorry for him.

"So, you ARE a whore." This meant that last night was all a big lie. Even if I hadn't really cared about anything he had said at first…

"It's a way of life." He replied, picking up the cigarette once more. He took in a long drag, then blew it out while looking up at the ceiling.

"Second hand smoking is worse than actually smoking it…so I'll be leaving." I stood. He was smiling lightly, looking at me with that intense look on his face. I turned to leave.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" He asked.

"Let me guess…" I turned around to face him. "You want me to pay you for the food with sex?"

"No…" He stood with the cigarette pasted to his mouth. He dug out something from his back pocket, and held it out. It was my cell phone. He made his way around the table to stand only a few inches in front of me. He was still holding it out to me. I took it, but he held my hand for a moment, looking into my eyes. I didn't dare look away.

"Merci…now you can let go of me." I told him.

"Merci?" He let go slowly, smiling crookedly with that damn cigarette still in his mouth.

"It means thank you." I turned to leave walking toward the front door. I opened it, but I suddenly saw his hand out of the corner of my eye and the door was shut. I was turned around and leant up against the door. His body pressed up against my own and his cologne was driving me crazy. He shamelessly pressed his lips onto my own and kissed me long and hard until I managed to break it. The stench of cigarette from his mouth almost made me vomit.

"Get away from me before you regret ever having touched me." I said in-between clenched teeth.

"Relax…I told you that I don't want to hurt you…" He smiled, caressing my cheek. My hands were up above me, and I felt imprisoned by him. With his free hand, he dug out a mint, then popped it in his mouth.

Then he kissed me again. This time the taste was minty and I was enjoying it…I didn't dare part it.

I didn't know why I had given into him again…my clothing was once again scattered on the floor…we had somehow managed to get to the couch. He was still on top of me…and I was on my stomach…on the arm rest of the couch. A bead of sweat trickled down from the tip of my nose onto the couch where I stared at it for a moment. Our breathing began to slow…

"Just admiring you from your back excites me." He murmured close to my ear. I don't know if he was talking about the numerous freckles on my upper back.

He finally got off me…as he did so, I felt empty inside once more.

I stood, and gathered my clothing. I put it on without turning to look at him. As I finished slipping on my shoes, I saw him standing in front of me. I stood, looking at him. He moved a strand of hair which I supposed was out of place, then leant in to say,

"You should look at yourself before criticizing others." He murmured, then opened the door so I could leave. I stood there for a moment, not really getting what he had said. But then I realized just what he meant by it.

"You're a prick." I stared into his face, then walked out of his house. I could still see the grim smile on his face…and I now realized that I hated him…

"I put some good pictures on that phone of yours!" He yelled out. I didn't turn around, but I raised my hand and stuck the finger out at him. That bastard! How dare he…

And what had just happened? I was filled with mixed emotions that were bottling up inside of me…hatred, love…

"_You should look at yourself before criticizing others." _Came to my mind. Was I really like him? Maybe worse than him? He had seduced me in order to prove that I _was_ like him…

And the worse thing was that…I enjoyed it.

XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD

**Ahh…another story involving prostitution. lol This is just crazy, isn't it? But those are the stories I think are most interesting to write. :) **

**I'd love to get some feedback as to what you think about it…if you liked it, if you didn't…and if you didn't what didn't you like about it? You know, that sort of thing…what you think about it so far. Wait, I already said that, didn't I? lol Sorry. **

**PLEASE review! **


	2. The Excess of Smoke

Here's the next chapter! Please review and tell me what you thought!

_Disclaimer:_ I do not own the KOF characters in this story.

Chapter 2: _The Excess of Smoke…_

I didn't really want to hurt him that much. I was just trying to make him realize that he was no better than me. I was beginning to regret all of those things. It's crazy how you can change everything with just one decision…

I watched the smoke from the cigarette settle in high places. The living room, as I wanted it, was filling up with smoke with every cigarette that I smoked. I reached in the box only to find I only had one left. Another box clattered to the floor as I sat up slightly.

"Shit…" I murmured as I placed it into my mouth and lit it. This meant I had to go buy some more tomorrow.

I wanted to fill his missing spot, but I knew that couldn't happen unless he did something about it…realized just how much I wanted to be with him.

The sudden sound of the cell phone vibrating on the table startled me. I lazily reached to grasp it. Kyo was calling.

"Hey." He answered before I did.

"Naani?" I replied with a bit emphasis.

"I have a favor to ask…" He trailed off. I sat up slightly, taking the cigarette out of my mouth. I knew what this meant…it always ended up with…

"You need some extra money, right?" I didn't answer right away. My hand twitched slightly, and I almost dropped the cigarette. "Hey, am I right?"

"Sure. Why not?" I finally answered as I placed the cigarette in my mouth for a moment then blew out a cloud of smoke. That was _always_ his excuse to come to me.

"I'm coming over, then."

"Hey-uh, do you have any cigarettes on you?" I quickly put in before he hung up.

"Sure, pretty boy. I'll bring what I've got."

"Okay, good." I hung up. I closed my eyes and leaned further back into the couch. I almost wanted it to suck me in so I could disappear. But the only thing holding me back was my arm…it was resting on the arm rest that Ash had been on. My fingers caressed it slowly, and I began to remember about earlier.

I heard a knock on the front door a few minutes later. I opened my eyes and my feet carried me toward the door. On my way to the door, I mashed the cigarette butt into the ash tray. I opened the door to let him in. He smelled of cheap cologne and alcohol at the same time…I don't know how I came to smell that with all of the cigarette smoke that began to escape outside the door.

"Did you bring the cigarettes?" I asked him.

"Yea." He dug out a box. I took it from him and shook it. It seemed empty. I looked in the box that only held a mere three cigarettes. He smiled sheepishly as I looked up toward him.

"That was all I had."

"Fine." I rolled my eyes as I let him in. I shut the door behind him, then gestured him toward that room upstairs. I felt his arms around my waist as I tried to walk up, but he was always a step behind. I was afraid we would fall.

"That's not gonna work you know." I stopped walking.

"Damn. You sure?" He replied.

"Positive." I took his hand, and like a child he followed me where I led him.

Once I had closed the door to the room, he had his arms around my waist once more, but this time in front of me. I welcomed his lips, and the tongue that intruded my mouth.

I found myself on the bed, struggling on the inside with my feelings but my body reacted differently toward it. His kisses and his touches…and his aggression were enough already to make me forget for just a moment…making me forget that I was dead on the inside.

XDXDXDXDXDXD

I was outside, smoking the last cigarette in the cigarette box Kyo had brought. I watched the clouds move slowly across the sky. Deep night blue captivated my eyes for a while until I was finally feeling sleepy. That last cigarette had been gone for a while…

I made my way upstairs and onto the bed where Kyo was snoring. He was taking up all of the space but I scooted him over. I now lay there in my thoughts, trying to fall asleep but to no avail. I didn't know when I had finally fallen to sleep, but when I awoke, it was 9:38 in the morning and Kyo was gone. I looked at the money on the pillow next to me.

And I was quickly reminded how much I was really worth…

XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD

**Sooo…what'd you think? XD This time it's Benimaru's POV if you're confused. **

**Leave me a review if you want to see more chapters. ;P dun, dun, dun…  
**


	3. Solace

Yay! I got reviews:3 Really happy. Thanks to those of you who reviewed! I hope you keep reading this and tell me what you think!

Thanks to: _Michiyo Ichimaru_ and _AyakoYagami_ for reviewing:3

Disclaimer: I don't own characters and I don't get paid…so yea.

Chapter 3: _Solace…_

_Ash_

I stood in the shower for a long time, scrubbing until I felt numb. My skin was now red and it hurt. But still…I felt better.

I got out of the bathtub and pulled a towel around me. My skin shriveled up with goose bumps as I felt cool air coming from underneath the door.

I heard the front door open, then close. Good…that's what I wanted. I wanted him to leave so I wouldn't have to face him. I smirked, then began to dry my body with the towel. I would start from there…then dress up for the fun of it.

XDXDXDXD

Hours later…

I opened up the cell phone, remembering Benimaru's last sentence as I had been leaving that day.

I looked at the photos I had on my phone. I hadn't really thought he would actually put pictures on it. But the pictures on there, well-I expected something else…

It only had a few pictures of him that he had taken with my phone. My fingers were prompt to delete them, but something held me back from doing so.

I was still staring at a photo when the caller ID popped up. It was Elisabeth. I answered, a bit angered with her…she'd probably slept with him…

"Hey, your friend just left my house." After those words, my heart sank. Why? Why did I feel this way about him?

"So?" I told her.

"He asked me directions to your house."

"He what?"!

"I gave him the directions to your house."

"_Quoi? __Pourquoi_-"

"He told me he wanted to apologize to you."

"That jerk…I don't need to talk to him."

"Well, he looked like he was really going to apologize."

"Hmm…" I didn't say anything for a moment. "I'm not going to open the door."

"See? Why do you keep running away from people?"

"You don't understand. I have to go." I hung up before she could say another word. I sat on the couch, waiting for the door bell to ring. I heard a car outside. I suspected that it was him. A few moments later, the door bell rang. I ignored it, smirking slightly.

It rang for about 5 minutes before it stopped, but I didn't hear the car start up again. That meant he was still there.

The phone vibrated in my hand. I looked down to see that I had gotten a text message. I clicked 'view'.

_Are you home? –Benimaru-_

I laughed slightly. That bastard. Of course he was smart enough to write my phone number down from my own phone. I quickly texted back,

_No._

I soon felt it vibrate slightly again and I read the message.

_I know you're there. Open up please._

_You went to go sleep with her, didn't you? You think you can then come and mess around with me afterwards…_

_That's not it. I only said that to see what you said. I didn't really do anything._

_You know what? You're making me waste my texting._

_I have unlimited texting. I can still send as many as I want. _He responded quickly. I was a bit surprised by his answer. This meant that he wasn't going to leave until I opened the door.

_Fine._ I texted him, then shut my phone. I stood lazily to get the door. To my surprise, he was leaning against the house, his head turned sideways to look at me with a small smile.

"About time." He murmured, shutting his phone. He placed it in his pocket, then stood up straight to face me.

"What do you want?" I asked, still serious.

"Listen…" He sighed, looking away for a moment before continuing. He turned to face me, then bowed.

"I'm really sorry." I admired his manners. So the half of Japanese that he claimed to be _was_ still present in him.

"I'm not so sure I want to forgive you." I smirked.

"Please." He continued to stay that way. I figured that he wasn't going to look up at me until I did decide to say that I forgave him, so I let it go…for now.

"Fine. Please stand up straight. People are starting to stare." I lied. He stood, looking around.

"Aren't you coming in?" I asked. I knew I was letting him off way too easy, but I actually wanted his company for a while.

"You're going to let me come in?" He asked, still standing there.

"Of course. It's cold out. Get in so I can shut the door." I stood by the door, ready to close it.

"Arigatou." He stepped inside and watched me close the door. I was about to walk to the couch when I felt something cold take hold of my hand. I realized that it was his hand.

"Feel my hands." He was still looking at me. It seemed like he had wanted to say something else, but…ah, oh well.

"They're cold."

"Yea."

"So…?" I took my hand back.

"It's your fault." He rubbed them together.

"Actually…it's yours." I responded as I settled down on the couch. He was still standing. "Sit down if you want." I told him.

"Beside you?" He asked.

"No…unless you be a gentleman and bring me that cover on the other couch." He looked around and spotted it. He brought it over and covered me with it. Following this, he sat down next to me, but not too close. That was good. At least he was respecting me for the moment.

"I need to clarify things here." He began.

"What?" I turned to face him.

"I'm sorry about the other night…I didn't mean anything I said."

"Exactly." I interrupted.

"Huh?" He looked at me, puzzled.

"You lie just like the rest of them."

"No, what I mean is, you know…those mean things I said to you. I really do like you. It's not just for what you think it is."

"It seems like you practice those lines all the time."

"Ash…" He trailed off, taking my hand in his.

"What? They still feel cold." I told him.

"I'm being serious…I'm not like the rest."

"This subject is boring me, Benimaru…let's talk about something else." He seemed hurt by my words, but he deserved it.

"Okay…what do you want to talk about?" He let go of my hand.

"Let's talk about your expertise." I started. "Let's talk about how many men you slept with today."

"I didn't sleep with anyone today." He responded. "I'm trying not to do that kind of stuff anymore."

"You didn't sleep with Elisabeth?"

"Of course I didn't." He responded.

"And how do I know that?"

"You can ask her."

"What do you prefer? Men or women?" I asked him. I know I was just being annoying. I wanted to see how much he could take before he finally gave up.

"To be honest, I like women better. BUT…I like you because you look like a girl." He smiled.

"Aren't you annoyed?" I asked him, ignoring his statement.

"No. You amuse me, actually." He smirked.

"Why?"

"This is our first real conversation." He responded.

"That doesn't make sense."

"It's not supposed to make sense. I changed the subject like you did." His smirk grew wider.

"You're quite clever, aren't you?" I decided to pull the cover over him as well.

"Want to just…cuddle?" He asked me. My head automatically leaned onto his shoulder. I hadn't wanted it to…I was getting a bit carried away.

"We aren't a couple or anything, but okay." I responded. I felt a kiss on the top of my head, then his head was leaning against my own. I felt…relaxed…for the first time, actually in months.

I wanted to fall asleep…his hand was caressing my own and his body warmth was making my eyes feel heavier than they already were. I don't know how long I feel to sleep, but when I awoke, my neck hurt. So I knew some-what that it had been more than an hour. His head was resting on the couch, and he seemed to be asleep as well. I didn't want to wake him because I still felt comfortable being there with him.

I was having mixed feelings…I just didn't know how I felt about him anymore. I sighed, studying his hand that covered my own. I saw his finger twitch slightly. I moved my fingers slightly to see if he would react. It took a while, but he did. Now his thumb was caressing my hand gently. I knew he wasn't asleep anymore.

"What time is it?" I mumbled.

"6:35…" He answered then after a while added, "Why?"

"I was just wondering…" I responded.

"So what do you think about going on a date in a minute?" He asked me.

"A date?" I raised my head to look at him.

"You know…well, actually just go out somewhere as friends."

"Like where?" I asked him, stretching and yawning.

"I don't know…" He yawned as well. "Where ever you want to go."

"Hmm…well I can't think of anywhere to go." I told him.

"Keep thinking…I have all day, anyway." He murmured.

"And you think I have all day, too?" I asked him.

"Well, I guess so."

"…can we do this another day?" I asked him.

"Sure."

"C'est bon…"

"Hmm?" He sat up to look at me.

"Good…I'm tried." I replied.

"All right. Well…" He stood, stretching. "I'll see you later, then." He smiled at me before he left. I sat there, thinking about what had just happened. Yes…this was getting complicated. Maybe too much.

XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD 

_**AyakoYagami:**_** Since I can't reply to your review, I decided to reply here. :D   
Thanks so much for reviewing and reading this. :) hahah yea….I like making Beni suffer…and Kyo should go back into his hole. lol Great to know you're starting to like this couple…heheh Ya know, once I actually found out Ash was a dude, I was like, this is awesome! Now I can REALLY pair Beni up with someone. Heheh Anyway, thanks again! XD**

**Another chapter finished. XD Sorry it took so long…**

**Anyway, please leave reviews! I don't want to sound too demanding…but I need reviews. XD They keep me motivated and they help me keep writing. :)**


	4. Vanity

Thanks loads to the people who keep reading. :3 I hope you will continue to do so. :D

Thanks to _Michiyo Ichimaru_ for reviewing. :D

Disclaimer: I don't make money writing this…you get the point.

Chapter 4: _Vanity…_

_Benimaru_

I handed a 20 dollar bill I had earned a few nights ago…well, that was the last of it. I cursed mentally. I was running out of money…again. I was trying not to do this anymore…I was trying to get a 'real' job.

"Here you go." I heard the woman. I took the change she had given me and along the way to my car, opened the new cartage of cigarettes. I placed a cigarette in my mouth, then lit it before opening my car door.

Sighing, I looked at my cell phone. No missed calls. I wish Ash would call me…we still had to go out somewhere. He had probably forgotten, anyhow.

I started up my car, then headed home. I was somehow feeling very tired…and it was cold out so that made my bones hurt even worse. I think I might be getting sick…

I felt something itchy in my throat. I coughed, barely able to hold the cigarette in my mouth. I'd almost dropped it.

I think the cigarettes were finally getting to me.

Once at home, I sat on the couch, still feeling unusually tired. I didn't know when, but I had fallen asleep. I awoke because I felt cold all of the sudden. I wondered if I had a fever. My neck hurt from the uncomfortable position. I groaned, rubbing the back of my neck for a moment until I noticed something different. The door was slightly open, which explained why I felt so cold. I froze in place, trying to make sense of this.

I suddenly felt something brush up against my back. I turned quickly, but nothing was there. Was this all my imagination? Was I still dreaming?

"So, you're finally awake." I heard a voice from the kitchen.

"Who-" I stood quickly, then realized just who it was.

"Did I scare you?" He had a small smirk on his face.

"Ash? What are you doing here?" I sighed with relief.

"You wouldn't answer the door, so I came in." He ignored my question, looking at me. "I hope you don't mind."

"I don't." I answered, looking at him almost breathlessly. He somehow looked more breathtaking today.

"Anyway, what about that 'date' you were talking about the other day?" He asked.

"Oh, well…you want to go now?" I assumed. I knew he would reply with a smart comment.

"Why else would I be here?"

"I'll get ready." I told him. I headed upstairs. To my surprise, he followed me. I was looking at my clothing options when he began to speak.

"You seem different…more different than when I met you. You're not at all like what I imagined."

"What do you mean?" I asked, turning to look at him with a puzzled look on my face. He smiled lightly, almost as if wanting to laugh at me.

"I mean…when you're not busy trying to seduce me you're actually pretty different…like, more human."

"More human?" I was still confused.

"I really can't explain it." He sat on the bed.

"You mean my personality?" I asked as I pulled off my shirt and slipped on a nicer one. I decided to keep on the same pants. I headed over toward him.

"_Si vous le dites..._" He responded in French. I had no idea what he had just said.

"And you, Ash aren't really what I expected as well." I caressed his cheek for a moment before he moved his head to the side.

"So, want to leave already?" I studied him for a moment. He looked up at me. He seemed to force a small smile.

"Sure." He replied as he stood. I slipped my arm around his shoulders and walked beside him until we reached the doorway. I let him pass first, and I followed him downstairs.

"Where did you want to go?"

"Oh, so I get to choose?" Ash turned to look at me.

"Of course." I replied as I opened the front door.

"You're considered as the gentleman, so you decide." I laughed slightly. 'Considered', I thought. Since he, too was a guy…

"So that makes you the girl, huh?" I walked over to the passenger side door and opened it for him.

"Exactly. That means you have to spoil me, then." He smirked then got inside the car.

"So does this mean that we're going out?" I asked, still holding the car door open.

"Not exactly." He replied.

"Okay, I get the hint." I closed the door, then headed over to the drivers' side door. How can I be so dumb? All he wants from me is sex…or so that's what I assume. I heard that he hasn't had a real 'date' in a long time…not since he actually fell in love and that person rejected him…and used him only for some occasions. It's not like he isn't doing the same thing right now.

I got in and started the car. I wasn't going to let my emotions take over now. I craved a cigarette but I knew he didn't like me smoking in front of him. I reversed, then got onto the road. He wasn't saying a single thing. At the same time, I was still thinking of where I should take him.

"I know now." I told him, breaking the silence that was tearing me apart.

"What?" I saw him look at me from the corner of my eye.

"Where to take you." I answered, buying myself at least a few seconds more to think.

"Where may that be?"

"How about…" I thought for a while longer. "…a fancy French restaurant?"

"Just because I speak French?" He grunted.

"Don't you like French food?" I turned to face him for a moment.

"I do…" He responded.

"So what's the big deal?" I finally got to face him as I stopped at a red light.

"Nothing…well, I do feel that I miss eating escargot…" He smirked.

"Escargot?"

"Yes, escargot."

"What is that?" I asked.

"Snail."

"Snail?" I replied with disgust. "I've never tasted one before."

"You should try one, then."

"What? But that just sounds so gross."

"It's not like you and sushi or whatever you eat isn't all that good, either." He replied.

"Sashimi." I corrected him.

"Whatever." He rolled his eyes.

"Okay, then. I'll do it for you." I winked.

"Green." He told me.

"Huh?"

"The light." I heard honking from behind.

"Oh." I faced the road, switched gears and took off before someone else decided to honk again.

"You were being serious, weren't you?" I saw Ash run a hand through his hair. He was currently looking for split ends.

"I am." I turned down onto the street the restaurant was on. The rest of the time in the car was silence. I had my own thoughts, and so did he. I was trying to think of what we could do after we ate…

Only one thing seemed to come up. I wondered if this was how he thought as well.

Once I had parked the car, I turned it off, then looked at him.

"Here we are." I smiled.

"Hmm…doesn't look like a real French restaurant…it's probably full of Americans who don't even know how to speak French."

"Maybe it is." I replied. "I've never been here before." I then added. He sighed.

"Then there better be good wine." He mumbled. I opened the door to my car, then made my way toward the passenger's side to open the door for Ash.

"You ARE going to pay, right?" Ash asked.

"Of course I'm going to pay." I looked at him, a bit puzzled.

"_Parce que_…in France the rule is that one who invites to dinner pays." He answered.

"You know, you're sorta weird. I respect your heritage and all though."

"You Americans are weird as well." He replied. I managed to wrap my arm around his waist.

"I was joking around. You're not weird at all." I pressed him as close as we could get being beside each other as we walked.

"We're only 'friends', remember?" He emphasized the word friend.

"I know that." I smirked. "If we slept together can't we at least hold each other in public?" I asked. He pulled away from me.

"No."

"Aww, Ash 'common!" I tried to hold his hand.

"You're going to make me hit you." He looked at me seriously.

"Fine, fine." I held my hands up in defense. He certainly was being hard on the subject.

"_Bon_…now open that door for me." He signaled.

"Do I get something in return?" I winked.

"Maybe." He responded, smirking. "You'll see tonight."

It meant just as I thought. Maybe he was going out with me tonight was only for the sex. I opened the door for him and signaled for him inside. He walked in slowly. As I stood there, holding open the door, I thought…I didn't really care at the moment. As long as I was beside him…it was all that mattered. His voice interrupted my thoughts.

"Coming? Or am I going to go in alone?" I realized he had been waiting for me for a while.

"Sorry." I smiled sheepishly for a moment, then followed him inside…

XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD

**Arghh!! Sorry for not updating sooner. Blame the job I have and the people who refuse to go to work.  
I'm gonna have to leave you at this. 'Cause then I'll probably never get this story going. I was getting into this writers block as well…if you can't already tell. Lol **

**Anyway, please and thanks for reviews! :3**


	5. Unlikelihood

Another chapter…  
Please send reviews.

Disclaimer: I do not own.

Chapter 4: _Unlikelihood_…

_Benimaru_

"Eyeliner…" I mumbled half-mindedly, remembering suddenly why I had found Ash so strikingly beautiful yesterday.

I sat up, stretching. I slept in today…I didn't have any worries at first. I remembered that I was going to look for a job today.

I reached over for my phone and realized that I had one text message. I pressed 'view'.

_Despite of you almost puking last night from trying to swallow the escargot, I enjoyed our time together._

It was Ash. I suddenly remembered that snail. I shuddered. I quickly texted back, then set my phone on the bed, sighing. At least he enjoyed what I had planned. Or was he talking about what happened after dinner? I wasn't sure, but what he said made me feel content.

I stood lazily, then went inside the bathroom to have a quick shower.

XDXDXDXDXDXD

_Ash_

I was bored out of my mind, thinking about what I could possibly do when my phone vibrated beside my arm. I picked it up. Finally, that bastard had responded to my text.

_I'm glad you had a good time. Shall we try that again sometime?_

This made a smile crack onto my face all of the sudden. I texted back, hoping he would reply soon, but I doubted it.

I yawned, feeling sleepy. I had already gotten dressed a long time ago. Dressed up and nowhere to go…I glanced around to try to find something that would get me motivated to go somewhere. I could think of nothing…nothing that involved Benimaru in it. My mind thought back to last night…

The contact of his body onto my own body…and his lips upon my chest. My whole body shivered as I continued to think about it.

Was I? I was I beginning to fall…in love? No…I couldn't do that. Not again. I tried to cover up those thoughts and replace them with other thoughts. I had thoughts of keeping Benimaru only as my sinful pleasure…

XDXDXDXDXDXD

_Benimaru_

Once out of the shower, I wrapped a loose towel around my waist, then grasped hold of another one to towel-dry my hair.

I walked out of the bathroom to check if I had any new messages on my cell phone. I smiled as I saw the _1 unread message_ on the screen. I viewed it, reading it silently.

_Of course we should. What do you think about next Saturday?_

I raised my eyebrow, slightly surprised. _He _was suggesting when we should go out again? I texted back shortly just to make him think I wasn't as excited as I really was. Maybe it was just a joke or something. I read over my message before sending it.

_Sounds great._

I pressed _Send_, then put my cell phone down onto the bed and got ready to go out.

XDXDXDXD

I walked into town, figuring that it would be best if I got some fresh air. Well, it wasn't exactly _fresh_; I just wanted to walk to clear my mind. I was dressed in a black suit with a blue tie. Of course, I hardly dressed this way but I wanted to find a job-a good one.

I finally stopped in front of a building that stated that they needed help. I stood there for a moment, debating. I didn't even know what they did in this building. I decided to go inside and give it a try.

I looked around for a moment, not sure of where to go.

"Need some assistance, sir?" A woman down the hall asked. I turned to look at her. I saw her lips form a 'wow'. I think maybe she liked me.

"Yes, I uh, need an application." My nervousness was getting to me. She walked over to me.

"Oh, okay." She smiled, then extended her hand. "Lisa." I shook her hand.

"Benimaru." I smiled.

"So, you need a job, huh?"

"Yea, I do."

"This is great, then." She smiled.

"What is?"

"I think you're qualified enough to get this job."

"You…haven't interviewed me yet." I was confused.

"I don't feel like it today."

"Are you…?" I looked at her questionably.

"I'm the boss here…it may seem weird, but I am."

"Oh, I see…" I laughed a bit. "I'm sorry to say this, but I have no idea what this job is about…I just saw the sign outside and I came in."

"Oh, about that." She laughed. "Sorry, I suppose I've slacked off enough." She began to walk. "Follow me." She signaled me to follow her.

"All right." I now seemed a bit more nervous now that I was actually going to know what this job was about. She sat down, then signaled me to sit down.

"Okay, then." She began, crossing her legs. "This job is a male modeling job."

"Modeling?" I asked.

"Yes." She smiled. "We're a small business…we try to contract people we think would bring more attention to our business so we will grow bigger."

"So…you think I can be a model?" I smirked.

"Well, it's more of a photo shoot than modeling in front of people, but yes. I think you're pretty enough to do so."

"Pretty, huh?" My smirk only grew wider.

"Oh, yes. With that pretty blonde hair and your pretty-boy looking face."

"Well, it looks like I walked into the right place then, huh?"

"Benimaru, right?" She laughed slightly. I only nodded. "You have quite the personality."

"Modeling, you say?" I ignored her compliment.

"Are you in disbelief?" She asked.

"Sort of. I didn't think that such luck would be thrust upon me just when I was actually looking for a job." I responded. And an easy job at that.

"Ah, I see. Well, then. Meet me here tomorrow for your first photo shoot." She smiled.

"Thanks." I stood, then shook her hand.

"See you tomorrow, then." She said.

"All right."

"Oh, and I'll do all of your paper work tomorrow, too."

"See ya." I walked out. I walked quickly down the street, wanting to get to my house as soon as possible. I just couldn't hold in my emotions much longer. Once I had closed the door to my house, I yelled with joy.

Maybe there _was_ more to this life than I thought there was.

XDXDXDXDXDXD

All right, another chapter finished. It took me a LOONG time to finish this. I hope you guys didn't mind…to whoever is still reading this, anyway. Let me know you're still reading this and send me a review!


	6. Formless Love

Hello all! Thanks if you've been reading so far but let me know you're still reading and give me a review!

Disclaimer: I don't own…

Chapter 6: _Formless Love…_

_Ash_

"Where were you the other day?" I asked him as we walked down the street. The heavy clouds suggested that it was going to rain…or snow. Whatever it was, I knew I wasn't going to like it.

"Oh, about that." He laughed slightly. "Sorry…I had other things to do." He told me. And he wasn't going to tell me what exactly those 'other things' were? But I thought about it twice. Why should I even care? He wasn't anything to me, anyway. We were just friends...

"That's it?" I stopped walking. He stopped as well, turning to look at me.

"What?"

"All we did was watch a movie…are we going home already?" It was the best part, but I just wanted to see what he would say.

"What else did you have in mind?" He replied. I frowned, trying to think for a moment. A rain drop suddenly fell from the sky and landed on my forehead. I looked up. More rain drops crashed onto the ground. I closed my eye as soon as I felt another rain drop hit my face.

"Come on." He suddenly took hold of my hand and led me toward shelter as the rain pummeled to the ground with force. I hadn't noticed, but I had been laughing, and running with him. I looked upon his smiling face. He held me close, and brought his lips toward my own. We stood there, making out for a while until he broke it off. Still holding me close, he looked out onto the streets.

"It's still raining hard." He mumbled almost to himself.

"It is." My body shivered with cold. I wish that I had brought that jacket I had been debating to take earlier.

"Here." I parted from his body warmth so he could take off his jacket and give it to me. I knew I was really letting my guard down…but for once, I felt…alive.

"Ash." He disrupted my thoughts. I looked up to him, looking at his eyes burn into my own. I closed my eyes as soon as I saw his face get close to my own once more. My burning lips were once again captured…and this time our kiss seemed to have more depth than ever before. I took in some air as 

soon as his lips departed from mine for a second, then he began to dominate me once more. I let a moan escape my throat as his fingers entangled in my hair. He finally parted the kiss as he brought his lips lower toward my neck. I finally opened my eyes, sensing that something was watching me. I was trying to focus on a figure that was watching us from across the street as I parted away from him, clearing my throat. The woman left, walking away quickly.

"What's wrong?" He asked, looking at the direction I had been looking at.

"Nothing…I think we should head to your house." I told him. "The rain has subsided, anyway." I took in some more air.

"All right." He extended his hand for me to take. I looked at it.

"What?"

"Let's go." He smiled. I rolled m eyes. My getting off guard was getting too out of hand.

"I prefer to walk without you holding my hand." I was getting sort of bored with his gentleman attitude.

"What? You're embarrassed now?"

"Not really…"

"Well, let's go then." He began to walk. I followed him. I was beginning to think that I would never tire of him…

XDXDXDXDXDXD

_Benimaru_

Ash had left early in the morning so I went to work early. Lisa had texted me to come in early…that was the real reason I had left the house early. I knocked twice, and then headed inside. She was on her computer, typing something.

"You wanted to see me?" I smiled. She looked up.

"Yes, yes I did." She took off her glasses, then set them on the table.

"Something wrong?" I asked.

"Nothing's wrong, actually. Those photos of you did pretty well…you get 50 of what we got for them."

"That's great." I smiled, but still…something seemed weird about her. "Soo…what's next?" I asked her.

"Well, this big magazine company already wants you to do another photo shoot. They were impressed." I arched my eyebrow.

"Really?"

"Yes. In fact, you need to go over to this address right now to begin them." She handed me a card. I took it, studying it for a moment.

"All right. I'll see you later, then." I was headed out the door when she said something.

"Oh, and one more thing," She began. I turned around to face her once more. "Be careful out there. Now that you have some fame, everything turns complicated."

"Sure thing." I smiled. She only smiled back faintly. I left, sighing. I lit up a cigarette on my way to the car. I tried remembering the location of the photo shoot area without having to dig the card out of my pocket. It wasn't really exciting, but…money was money.

XDXDXDXD

I arrived there minutes later. I had to verify my identity, and then I sat on a chair for an hour to get make up on me and my hair to perfection.

"Okay, Nikaido, you're ready." The woman had finally finished.

"Thank you." I stood slowly, thinking about what Lisa had said. Things would turn complicated? Like what?

"All right, Benimaru now give me a sexy pose." The camera man held his camera while looking at me with lust.

"Sure thing." I winked at him. Of course, it was easy. With my short sleeve button-up shirt only half way buttoned and the look I gave to the camera…then the different positions he had to capture…

I went ahead and did an interview to go with the pictures they were going to post in that magazine. And two hours later, I was finished. I had stepped into the men's room to wash my face from the makeup in the bathroom when I heard a voice.

"Are you ready to go home?" The camera man, whom I didn't know the name of, asked me. I was leaning against the sink, looking at him from the reflection in the mirror.

"Yea, I am." I replied. I saw him just staring at me. I finally turned around to face him directly. "What's up?" I asked. He wanted something…and I knew what that something was.

"Benimaru…" He got close to me. "From the first moment I saw you, I knew I had to…" I had backed up to the sink. The makeup remover fell and went down the drain.

"Listen," I told him, ignoring what had just fallen. "I'm sorry, but I can't." I walked past him. His arm caught me. I looked down to it. It must've been well over 600. I had a job now; however…I had no use for that.

"Do you honestly think I would take that?" I replied. I made my way toward the door.

"Wait!" He told me just as my hand touched the door knob. I turned around to face him.

"Your photos…" He began with a devilish smile on his face. "I can make sure you don't accomplish anything." He threatened. I sighed, wanting to punch him in the face. I thought about it for a while, even though I was making sufficient money, I yearned for more…

"What do I have to do?" I asked. He smiled with satisfaction.

"Just follow me home." He replied. And I did just that.

At his house, I stripped down to nothing for him…I felt his eyes burn into my skin…it was just as if nothing had changed…

XDXDXDXDXDXD

I sat there, smoking a cigarette. Sweat dribbled off my forehead, and my hands were shaky as I placed the cigarette back into my mouth for another drag. I stood slowly to get my pants. I put them on quietly, then began to search for my shirt. It was on a chair near the bed. It was creepy how he was still there, on the bed, just watching me with those eyes…what more did he want? As I buttoned up my shirt, I looked back at him for a moment. I was still wondering if he would keep this secret…I didn't want to ruin my reputation…not this early. I slipped on my shoes and my feet brought me to the door.

"This is between us, right?" I asked right before I was about to exit his room.

"Of course." He replied. I shut the door without looking back. On my way out of the house, I grabbed the jacket I had hung whenever I had first gotten here. I zipped it up and put the hood over my head. I didn't want anyone to look at me anymore…to stare at me…I never wanted to have my pictures taken ever again.

XDXDXDXDXDXD

Weeks later, I bought the magazine. I was surprised to see myself on the front cover. What the hell? They didn't tell me anything about _that_. The picture, indeed was a good one. The magazine was mostly a girl's magazine so I didn't read much of it-only my interview. I wanted to make sure I didn't sound like an idiot. Not like if they could or would pull the magazine off the shelves for any error, anyway.

On the way home, I also had a couple of girls instantly recognize me. They asked for my autograph, which I gladly gave.

As I was nearing my house, I saw Ash on the front steps, waiting for me. Good thing I had given the magazine to one of the girls since she didn't have anything for me to sign on. Ash would've suspected something. I greeted him with a smile.

"What's up?"

"There's something you're not telling me." He seemed angry.

"What?"

"Care to explain _this_?" He held out the magazine.

"Oh, that." I laughed. "And I thought it was something serious…what about it?" I asked.

"How did you get on that magazine?"

"You read that magazine or what?"

"Of course I do."

"But you're…" I trailed off. Well, I did suppose that he did look and act more feminine than masculine. "Never mind. Well, I got a job." I finally told him.

"What, modeling?" He responded.

"You guessed right." I smiled.

"Why should it be you on there and not me?" He asked.

"Well, that's 'cause I look more prettier." I smirked.

"You wish." To my surprise, he smiled. Though it didn't last and his face turned serious again.

"Why didn't you tell me about this?"

"Well…" I really had no excuse. As I had planned to keep this to myself as long as I could. How was I supposed to know that he read that magazine? Of all magazines it had to be that one. "I wanted to surprise you…to see if you could see me yourself." I smiled nervously. He looked at me. He really wasn't buying it t all.

"Whatever…I'm leaving."

"Hey-where are you going?" He didn't respond, nor did I try to stop him. Was he actually jealous that I was getting famous? Or was it because I hadn't told him about all of this? Knowing Ash, it had to be the jealousy…

XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD

_Ash_

I was on the bus, reading through the magazine on the way toward my house. I finally reached the interview about Benimaru. I skimmed through it until I found interesting questions.

…_**AOD:**__ Now that you're a rising model, how do you feel about all of the attention?  
__**BN:**__ Not too bad. I love attention, so it makes me feel good.  
__**AOD:**__ Do you have a lot of girls flirting with you now?  
__**BN: **__ laughs I've always gotten that. From all sorts of people, actually. Now that I can call those people my fans, I can honestly say that I love them all.  
__**AOD:**__ You're half Japanese, right?  
__**BN:**__ Yes I am.  
__**AOD:**__ I would've never guessed that.  
__**BN:**__ I get that a lot.  
__**AOD:**__ Do you speak Japanese pretty fluently?  
__**BN: **__ I thought I did. I may be forgetting some words now. laughs  
__**AOD:**__ One question that we've all been asking is, do you have someone you're in love with as of now?  
__**BN: **__As of now…I've gotta say no._

For some reason, after having read his response, I felt…a sort of anger inside of me. I had to control myself. Maybe I was getting attached to him? I couldn't let myself come to this…so I ignored it. After all, we were just friends with benefits…

XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD

**Yet another chapter finished. 8D I've got to say that I've been thinking some ideas for this story and as of now, it's going great. It took me a while to get it all typed out because I had it on a notebook. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed. Please give me reviews!  
**  
_Ayako Yagami: _ Thanks for your review. :3 And yea, there will be more. :D


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